Glucose Update and cramps

Well I finally got the call back from my glucose test results...I am good! :) Blood levels look good, no gestational diabetes. The day that they called me I had been cramping. They seemed to be getting stronger as the day went along. So I go to my "what to expect book" and I notice that it does say that cramps are typical this month, but then it said if they become worse, intense or severe you should call your doctor. So since they called me I mentioned it to them. The nurse said I was probably fine but if I wanted to come in the next day (Wednesday) I could come in at 2:30 just to check me out and reassure me. So of course I went! I was really not that worried, but I figured I was off work, why not just go in and get some reassurance. Well, my doctor was not working so I had to see the doctor on call, Dr. Thornberg. She was fine and nice. She just checked my cervix again, listened to heart beat, checked blood pressure and asked questions. I looked great she said. She did mention drinking fluids. I seemed to be a little dehydrated, which was probably the cause of the sharper pains. She said I need 12 cups of fluid a day. I know I have not been getting that. Drinking is not something I am good at-drinking anything. I am fine with water, which I know some people have a hard time drinking it. I actually got an app on my phone that I use to count my water intake. It has helped, but I still do not reach my water goal for the day. I must do better. I will seriously be living in the bathroom now, as if I wasn't already :) As she left she said enjoy plenty of those water cocktails! Oh let me back up a few minutes...I asked her if she would measure me before she left? She said I do not measure until 28 weeks, have you already been measured? I said yes, last week and I measured big so I was just wanting to see what you measured me at. She said what did you measure? I said 30 weeks. She said no way! "Ok, well I have to measure you now. We will not put it in your chart or tell Dr. Macey and I will just see what I get". So I laid back and she measured me. Then she says, well yeah you are measuring right at 31. Which still has me measuring 7 weeks ahead! Remember in last post Dr. Macey said he is not that big, but definitely ahead of schedule. I am having another ultrasound January 24th to get a more accurate measurement of Cole. I will let you know what this big boy is measuring then. I am so thankful about my blood results and that everything is checking out great! Thank you Lord!

Brad, Craig and I at grandmothers for Christmas. Just wanted to show you the big ole belly he measured.

23 weeks and Glucose test

Well today was the glucose test and it was nothing. I am not sure what some of my friends were talking about, saying it was horrible. I drank the orange liquid, sat in the waiting room for an hour, had blood drawn and it was over. Oh well! So after my blood work I went upstairs to see Dr. Macey. Just a regular check. So he comes in and asked the usually questions, how do you feel, no cramping, spotting, etc... I am feeling good. So he says well we will check the heart rate (148) and measure you (my uterus). So I lay back and he says let's measure this little guy. I said " I do not think he is that little if it is anything like last time". So he has this ruler things and he starts somewhere around my belly button and measures down to somewhere around my pubic bone, I guess. He measured it and then he looked to make sure he was measuring from the right spot (or that is what it seemed like). He did that three times. Then he looked at my chart. He said I need to look at your cervix so undress from the waist down and I will be back in a minute. So he came back, checked me out and said all looked good. He wanted to make sure my cervix was not thinning yet. He said he wanted to see me back at 28 weeks for an ultra sound. I said ultra sound? he said yes and then  he said he did not want me to worry, but I was measuring 30 weeks!!! he said Cole was not that big, but I was carrying high, which sometimes made you measure earlier, so he just wants to double check and get a more accurate reading on how big he is. So I said 5 weeks, and he said no, I want you to come back in 3 weeks, but schedule an ultrasound for 5 weeks!
I knew my belly was really sticking out there, but 30 weeks!?! Holy Moly.
I am not worried. I know everything is good. Dr. Macey was not concerned, but he did say he just want to keep a closer check on him and how he is growing!! So I will let you know how my big boy is doing. Here is a picture to check him out! We truly hope you all have a wonderful Christmas. I know we will. We have truly been blessed.

21 weeks

I meant to post last week at our 20 week appointment, but the time just passed and I totally forgot. Last week was our 20 week ultra sound where they do all of the measuring and they look at everything. Since Casey went to my last ultra sound he decided not to take off, especially after he knew they were going to give us a DVD of the ultra sound any ways (trying to save up some days! for when Cole does arrive). So I asked my mom if she wanted to go with me and she said yes! she was so excited. She asked a ton of questions and was so excited about the experience. She kept saying this is all new to me-they did not have all of this 30+ years ago. She was cute to watch. 

This ultra sound was a little different this time than the last one. I guess since the one two weeks ago was a reassuring one it was more laid back and we really just got to watch him. This one was more precise and medical. They would zoom in on everything and measure it ( feet, lips, eyes, head, stomach, leg) but everything was more than just one measurement. They measured and analyzed his heart, lungs, spine, etc...She would put in the measurements and every time she did it would change the due date, then it gave you an average estimate date. 

So to say all of that-Cole measured out great! Actually bigger than he should be at this point. He was measuring between 7-10 days bigger. The doctor said maybe we have your conception date wrong, then he looked up and said "oh no, we can't have your date wrong", well if he keeps this up we will have to watch you closely around 37-38 weeks to make sure he does not get too big. I know he is easier on the inside than out, but I have the days and wouldn't mind him being a little bigger and having a week or two longer with him at home before going back to work in August as long as he is healthy and big enough to come then :)

He probably will not come until April 25th (4 days late). Trying not to think about it. He will come when he is ready.

He was moving all over the place like last time! He is such an active little boy. It really is neat to see him on the screen. I am starting to feel him more and more. It is really funny. Especially after I eat, I guess he is excited, because he is moving like crazy then. We are so excited and cannot wait to meet our little guy (or maybe not so little :) It is crazy to think that we are a little over half way through it all.
So this past week I have had about three people ask me "so is pregnancy everything you thought it would be?." I am not really sure if I ever really thought what it would be like, but it is interesting. It is so crazy how one day you just look down and you have this round belly, then you start to feel these weird movements inside of you, then you get this kink in your hip, and you are gassier than you ever imagined! I love the way What to expect put it..."Are you making noises and sounds that you have only heard or smelled from your dad or brothers?" Don't worry guys if you are around me I am usually good during the day. It just seems to hit me at night. :) 
I can say this about pregnancy though...it has definitely been a journey and expereince. One that I am excited to be apart of, but also a journey of things I had no idea about (the anxiety and stress of the unknown-that has been the worst). I go back to the doctor on December 21st for my glucose test. That should be interesting. I have all of these directions and rules I must follow before being tested.  I have not heard good stories from my friends about this test, but I am sure I will be fine. I will let you all know how that goes-in two weeks!
Here is an updated picture of me with my baby bump :)

A few pics of Cole...

Then me with Cole at 18 weeks...I just look pretty thick with a big butt. This picture doesn't show it, but I actually thought my butt had gotten smaller by the way my pants were fitting, guess not. I am SO critical :) I truly am so lucky to be carrying Cole and having this blessing given to me/us. I really am grateful for this experience.  Maybe I can get some better pictures though soon :)

It's a BOY!!!

...and boy were we surprised!!! Let me back up. Yes, we did find out a week early. If you read my last post "what is my deal?" you know that I have been anxious and feeling a little stressed about everything. I had been disappointed a few times thinking that I was going to have an ultra sound and then I did not have one. It was all just getting to me. It was almost like the angel and devil on my shoulder and they were in an argument. I kept trying to tell myself everything was fine and I had a count down going and telling myself "only 10 more days and you will see him, only 9 more...everything is fine". Well Sunday night I just could not handle it. I am pretty sure I was having an anxiety attach. I had tried to keep it in for so long and tell myself everything was ok, but my head was just not listening. My heart was racing, I could not catch my breath, and I was just crying. Poor Casey did not know what to do? He asked what was wrong, did something happen to make you think something is wrong, etc...I had nothing! no symptoms, no anything telling me something was wrong, but my head and the way I was feeling. Casey felt that I really needed to call the doctor. I was not sure because I had not had any luck with him thus far, but Monday when I woke up and started crying again I figured I should.
So I called the doctor's office and talked with the nurse. Yes, I began crying again on the phone with her. I was out of control. After going back and forth with conversations she said that I needed to come in. I did not need to be stressed out like I was. I asked her about an ultra sound and she connected me with the insurance lady up front, who was so sweet. She got my information and asked if she could call me back. She called back within 30 mins and said "well I just got verification that your insurance will cover the ultra sound, can you come in tomorrow afternoon?" I said YES! and already felt a little better knowing that I was going in for the appointment the next day, plus Casey was off and I knew he could come with me.
When we got there we went straight in for the ultra sound. The technician was very sweet and let us know that this one would be a quick one. It was just to reassure me that everything was ok, but at my 20 week it would take about an hour or hour and half because they were going to look at everything in more detail. Right when she put it on my belly you could see his little face :) I felt as though 50lbs had been lifted, then she recorded the heart beat and we heard it (another 50lbs lifted). Then she stretched out and you could see his whole body. He was stretched out with his legs crossed and his hands up behind his head. We just laughed. She said you baby looks pretty comfortable. She said the baby is breech right now, but don't let that bother you it has plenty of time to turn. She pointed to his feet and said he is basically standing on your bladder, well as soon as she said that, the  baby started moving as if he was running in place on my bladder! she said I bet you are going to the bathroom all the time! and yes I am! He began moving ALL over the place. He was EVERYWHERE. Remember though we still did not know it was a boy at this time. I know I keep typing "he" but it was not until the end that we found out. I almost thought we were not going to find out. He would not turn right, so I thought girl, she is being modest. :) Casey and I had both pretty much convinced ourselves that it was a girl for so many different reasons. The technician asked us what we thought and Casey told her girl and a few reasons why. Then she asked us if we had names picked out. We told her yes and told her the names. She said "Well, I think I have seen it, but I really want to see if I can get a better picture before saying anything. Just about then she got it. She froze the frame and said I am glad you have a boy name because it is a boy!!! Our eyes were huge and said boy? are you sure? She said 100% sure! Then she drew an arrow and said, as she circled it, "here is his scrotum and then here is his little weenie" and yes it was! We could not believe it. Casey's eyes were huge and the smile on his face was even bigger! I was still in shock I think. It was a great moment.
I know I have told some of you before, but I have always seen myself as more of a boy mom (growing up a tom boy with two brothers and so involved in sports), but everyone said I was having a girl and I had convinced myself that God had a sense of humor and was probably going to give me a prissy little, pink loving girl that I would have no idea what to do with, but I guess that was not his plan!
We are SO excited and I feel a million times better. I am not use to being a drama queen, but I am glad I got to go to the doctor and find out that I am having a sweet and healthy little boy! very active too! Now we are just excited about the arrival of Cole Bradford Coggin in April!!!!! :)

A lady that works with Casey, Mary Ann, had to get Cole an Arkansas outfit as soon as she found out he was a boy. How funny! Cole will be ready for football season now.

What is my deal? :)

I had an appointment almost two weeks ago now. It was a very weird appointment. I left a little frustrated. I  do not know what it is, well not really. I can imagine, but the last few times I have gone to the doctor I have been an emotional mess. You remember the doctor asking me if I was sure there was one? Well that has been on my mind, especially with SO many people telling me how big I am and if I am sure it is just one! (People can say the dumbest things sometimes). Well, I do not think I posted this, but around 14 wks I had some bleeding, nothing big! I actually was not worried at first, but then Casey started questioning me and really got me to thinking, so then I began to worry. So I called the doctor on call (not mine) and to say the least he did not have the best bed side manners. He really upset me, but told me I was fine. He actually acted like he was annoyed that I called him over something so minimal. That was on a Saturday. I did nothing the rest of the weekend and called my doctor on Monday. He said he thought it was nothing, but come in and I will check you out and ease your mind. So I did that following Monday afternoon. He said everything was fine and the heart beat was great, but still did not do an ultra sound. He told me not to worry, but if I felt anxious or worried to come in again next week or so and I will check you out again and I do an ultra sound if that will make you feel better. My appointment was in about 10 days so I was on edge but figured I could wait until then. My attitude was..."I am not leaving this office without an ultra sound!" So I get there and it is not my regular nurse, which was fine. She was so sweet and she could tell I was a little emotional. She said "the ultra sound technician was not here today, but Dr. Macey can do it. I will just go ahead and pull the machine and put it in your room." So I was feeling better when I went into the room seeing the machine a hands length distance away. Dr. Macey comes in and says "What's the problem? you still spotting?" I said no, but I just think I would feel better if I could have the ultra sound, remember you mentioned last time you would give me one if I still was not feeling 100% about everything. So he said let's check you out. He said I look great, measuring right and heart beat was good. He saw no reason to do a ultra sound. UGH!!!!! I could feel my voice cracking. Like I said I am emotional wreck when I go in there. I think it is overwhelming with the reality that I AM PREGNANT after so long and going through so much to get here, plus I am hypersensitive to EVERYTHING. I told him I wish I was high risk (not really, but I want the treatment). I am sure all first time moms are a little hypersensitive and without a pity party I really think I should have constant assurance that everything is ok. I know I sound a little needy, which drives me crazy, because I am not that kind of person, but in this situation, I am!
I told Casey last night that I am ready for this pregnancy to be over! I have been lucky and not had any sickness or problems, but I want my baby here and in my arms, which I know will come with a whole new set of worries, but I am just ready to see him or her. Not much longer as far as knowing the sex. Two weeks from yesterday. We are so excited and chomping at the bit! I will keep you posted! Love you all!

2nd trimester is here!

I know I have not posted in a while, but not much has changed. So I am not sure what to say? When the whole process started there was always something to update. I was thinking about a picture, but my iphoto is messed up. Plus I am not sure if I am ready for that or not? Hehehehe :) This is week 14. That is hard to believe sometimes. I want to enjoy every moment, but it is very nerve wracking to me as well. I am trying to relax and enjoy it, but I am VERY aware of everything going on in my body. I wonder what everything is. Is that a cramp? just gas, maybe bloated, am I getting big too fast? Whew! My mind is exhausting. A big concern the last few days has been how I sleep. Is it OK to sleep on your back? Do you need to alternate sides? etc... I have heard until 16 weeks your back is fine, but reading the Internet can just make you go crazier! I go to the doctor next week so that will be on my list of questions.
I am sure this is somewhat normal for all first time moms, but after everything we have been through it is still hard for me to believe at times that we are pregnant. I have been lucky and blessed to not have been sick or nauseated. So when you do not feel pregnant or look pregnant you just hope that everything is doing what it is suppose to and that the baby is growing healthy and strong. I really wish I could go to the doctor every week!! I mean that is what I am use to at the fertility doctor. I was there all the time and getting updated on every little thing. Now I go every 4 weeks! that seems like forever!
We are so excited to be in our second trimester and look forward to the weeks to come. Especially next month when we find out the sex!! We cannot wait to see what this little person is going to be! I will keep you posted and maybe a picture too!!

Bye Bye Progesterone and 1st Trimester...

Yes, you read that correctly...no more shots!!!! I took my last one this week. That is something that I will not miss. I was glad to see them go! and Bye to my first trimester too! That will happen in just a few short days. I had my first appointment with Dr. Macey yesterday. All went well. I did not have an ultra sound though. I was a little disappointed about that-I was hoping to see the little booger again and how much had changed. He said that he already had all he information sent over from NFC so he didn't need to do one. He basically just checked me out and got me set up with things (payment for appointments and delivery). It seemed crazy to be discussing delivery already, but I do realize it will be here fast. He did listen to the heart beat and when he was listening to it, he kept moving the Doppler around on my stomach. Then he looked up at me and he said "are you sure there is only one in there?" I just laughed and said "what, yes...well, that is what they tell me". He didn't really say much more, but I thought that was funny. The heart beat was 165. Still a high number. He is also said I was 11 weeks and 3 days yesterday and that everything looked well. I do not go back until October 28th, then again on November 23rd. Our November visit will be when we find out the sex!! How exciting!!! Yes we are finding out the sex and Yes we will let you all know!! I am so glad my first trimester is coming to an end, but in some ways it is hard to believe. It has not been bad but I think my nerves will feel better knowing that we have made it this far. It is still like a dream to me at times that this is truly happening to us. :)  Oh yes, I have a bump! It has popped out this last week. That is kind of funny too! I think I might, might post a belly shot at 12 weeks, if I am not to self conscious hehehehe....

10 weeks 3 days

Well, all is well. I am officially done with the fertility doctors (I hope) and now I will begin seeing my OBGYN, Dr. John Macey. I have my first appointment with him this Thursday, September 30th. I am not exactly sure what will happen at this appointment, but I think maybe another ultra sound since this is my first visit with him. I had my last appointment with my fertility doctors on September 15th. That was pretty neat. The first time we went for the ultra sound it was a pulsating dot and we did hear the ultra sound and this date was only two weeks later, wow do things change in two weeks! The ultra sound tech was smiling and she said oh look your baby is moving...she turned the screen and you could tell it was a baby, head, arm and leg sprouts, etc..I just giggled. I was not expecting that! The baby was moving/wiggling. It was kind of funny. The heart rate this time was 170. from my heart rates and baby bump (high) I am thinking girl, which is so funny to me. I have always seen myself as more of a boy mom, but I think it will be wonderful whatever the sex is! We are just so excited. It gets a little more real to me everyday. Last night Casey and I were laying down and he said "has it really hit you yet that "we" are having a baby? say it out loud we are having a baby". He was so funny. He is SO excited. Today after church he suggested that we go look at baby stuff. So we went to Babies R Us and Target. It is a little overwhelming looking at everything, but fun too! So many decision to be made.
I am finally sleeping a little better, but that does not say very much. This sleep routine has really thrown me for a loop. I think it is God's way of giving me a little practice for my days ahead of me! :)

Progesterone, Peeing and Sleep! :)

Ha! Yes, this are the big things in my life right now :) We are on the last leg of progesterone and now I know what it is for, it is to thicken my uterus. I guess it is important to have a thick uterus while pregnant. Peeing is something I do all the time too! I was not exactly sure why? I mean it's not as if the baby is pressing on my bladder already, this week it is going from the size of a blueberry to a raspberry. It amazes me every time I read about how it is growing and developing every week.  I found out why I am peeing so much already! Apparently HcG causes an increase of blood flow to the pelvic region, causing you to have that gotta go feeling and pee all the time. The other thing is during pregnancy your kidneys efficiency improves. It is trying to help your body rid itself of waste more quickly. So there you go! learn something new everyday! :)
Sleep, that is another story. It has been interrupted for about two months now. It has changed over the weeks. I use to wake up at 3 am and not go back to sleep. Now my routine is sleep about two hours and then pee. I am usually able to go back to sleep, but I am only able to sleep for about two hours at a time. I am thinking this is God's way of preparing me for motherhood. Some nights you will have  4 or 5 hours of sleep, but then there will be some nights where you get two hours here and then two hours there.
I am still feeling well. I go back for a second ultra sound on September 15th at the fertility office. If all checks out well I will then be released to my OBGYN, Dr. Macey. That appointment is on September 30th and I will be 11 weeks. That is when the progesterone will be over!!! I swear my butt will never be the same after all these shots, but apparently I will say that about my entire body after being pregnant! Hehehehe

Ultra Sound

Oops! I forgot to update yesterday. I guess with all the excitement it slipped my mind. Well, we have one little bun in the oven. It was SO amazing to hear the heart beat. Casey had sent me a text earlier in the day and said his mind had been wondering all day. Our appointment wasn't until 2:15. I made it as late as possible so Casey could go, but it sure made for a long day. When we got in the room the ultra sound technician said, "I am going to check everything out so do not get worried when I do not say anything at first, then I will tell you as much as I can". Then after about 40-60 seconds she said "there we go, one good heart beat". I think I just felt relieve and Casey just smiled; it was relieve for us both. She pointed out the flicker. Then she pushed a few more buttons and we heard the heart beat. She said and "there is your babies heart beat, 144 that is a good strong heart rate." We looked at each other and just smiled. We then talked about how amazing it was that even though it was only 7 weeks old that you could hear a strong heart beat like that! I am so glad that technology has come so far that we can hear the amazing miracle that God has blessed us with-what a moment!
So it was not two, which everyone thought. Actually we got some people trying to say it was going to be three or four! God's plan for us was to have one healthy baby. As much as I think it would have been amazing to have twins, apparently that was not his plan. I am just thrilled that his plan was for us to become parents. I am feeling pretty good. I have been pretty tired and I had heart burn Sunday and Monday, but besides that I am doing well. We have shared the news with everyone! Well, Casey has! he put something on facebook so you know it is out now. Sometimes it is still hard for me to believe. I know that I am pregnant, but it is really a weird feeling when something you have wanted and tried for; for SO long, had surgery's and procedures, been on steroids, fertility, etc....for so long and then all of a sudden after 5 years someone looks at you and says "your pregnant" it just doesn't seem to sink in. I have to keep reminding myself that it is true! this is happening!! I will be a mom! Yippee!!!!

April 21, 2011

We are pregnant!! Yes, it feels a little more real now. We found out Friday by a voice message. The message said "that my HCG pregnancy levels are 138, which is wonderful! So stay on your progesterone. We like to do three HCG levels. So you will come back in on Monday and then again on Wednesday. So congratulations it looks great, your definitely positive. It is a really strong level at 138".
We found out as soon as we were driving into Alabama (we went there this weekend for a wedding). Casey just smiled from ear to ear and I began to cry, then Casey noticed some friends of ours coming to the car. He said "dry it up" we can't look suspicious. We did not even have time to process it. It was straight to rehearsal dinner, the wedding the next day, plus I still was not sure what 138 means? So I wanted to wait until our last blood test on Wednesday (today). Apparently, there is not a certain number for your HCG, it can range greatly. The big thing you need is for your levels to double every two days. It will continue to do that (hopefully) for the first 12 weeks of your pregnancy. So my levels were... Friday=138, Monday=557, and Wednesday=1417 so my levels went above what they should have both times! Yippee!! Your HCG levels increasing are good indicators that you will not miscarry, have a biochemical pregnancy or an ectopic pregnancy.
I still have not processed it. It is just amazing and hard to believe. When you have wanted and prayed for something so long and it happens, you just thank God over and over, and continue to pray, just a different prayer now. Thank you Lord for this baby, please  keep me healthy and help my baby to grow strong. I hope you all will continue to pray for me/us and our baby.
P.S. If you read this, great! I really wish I could have told you all in person but I could not make you wait any longer. Please do not share this news with others though. I really debated posting this early, but I know you guys who read this are itching at the bit to know. So I could not keep it from you any longer. I have an ultra sound in two weeks (September 1st). We are hoping to keep it in until then. I am just 5 weeks tomorrow. Thanks again for your love. I will update again September 1st!

Praying, nerves, shots, anxious, and going crazy!

Whew! Who knew how hard the wait was going to be? Apparently it is affecting me more than I think, but I do not realize it until night. When I wake up a million times and cannot go back to sleep. This week my time has been 3am. I usually wake up some time around there and cannot go back to sleep for an hour or two and when I do sleep, it is just dozing and cat naps. I am so tired! and so ready to find out if everything is going to work out. I have gotten in lots of good prayer time though at those 3am awakenings. I realize this is only the beginning though, right? Worrying! Isn't that what you do all the time as a parent? Well, we are so excited and to find out if this is going to be part of God's plan for us. I hope to update soon with great news!

Progesterone...Ouch!

Ok, so I need a little sympathy I guess. These shots are horrible! and to know that I have 9 weeks left! Big sigh! So today I went for a progesterone check, which was blood work to see my levels and see if they needed to adjust the amount I was taking (which is 1cc). So I get the message from the IVF nurse tonight and she says..."Kristi your levels look great, we need them to be at least 30 and your were over 80". I breathe for a second and think oh good maybe I will not have to take them anymore...WRONG! she then finishes by saying..."so keep up with your injections at 1cc everynight!."
They really were not bad at first. The needle is HUGE, the oil is thick! and honestly the first 3 or so shots were not bad. Now I guess because my butt is so sore they just really hurt. This maybe TMI, but my butt is completely bruised! yes, both cheeks, since we alternate sides. Tonight when Casey gave me my shot he said "I kind of liked giving them to you at first, it was neat, but know I just feel really bad." He is so sweet! I was hoping they would get better and maybe they will, but my poor buttocks is just so sore right now I do not see it having the opportunity to get better.
Besides my butt I am feeling good. A little cramping, but they said I would have that for about 5 days. We are both doing well, talking to my belly and our pictures everyday. Well, I talk to them all the time. I tell Casey when he gets home that I talked to the kids all day. Casey just smiles at me and ask what did you say to them?  I said you know, things like... I hope you are setting up camp in me because that is your home for the next 9 months! and things like I cannot wait to meet you, we are ready to be your parents, I love you already, I can't wait to be your mom etc...All the stuff they need to know! :)
I told Casey last night to talk to them. He said I already did, they better mind me! Hahahaha...
Well here is a picture of my needle! and my progesterone (very thick! it is in sesame oil).

Transfer Day

 

We are excited and crossing our fingers all goes well!

Today was the transfer and everything went great! It was so quick. It was about 10 minutes from the time they wheeled me back in the surgery room until they wheeled me out. I was up in the stirrups, Casey was beside me, the doctor came in, the nurse squeezed the goo/jelly so we could see it on the ultrasound monitor. In the monitor you could see the doctor put the tube-like thing in, moved it around a bit and then he said that is it! Then he came beside the monitor and said see that white dot? that is it!
So we did it! We are feeling good, being positive, and praying hard that these embryos like my nice warm body and that they will be making there fit and place roots to call this home for the next 9 months. It will be a nerve racking two weeks, but what an exciting time. What an awesome experience and journey that Casey and I have been on. We are stronger people as well as a stronger couple for going through this process. God had this plan for us and I am excited to be apart of it.
I will keep you updated!! Love you all!

Here are our babies! Please pray for them to grow healthy!

All is good

Oops! I thought I had posted this...we have 7 viable embryos. From the egg retrieval we had 13 follicles, of that 9 were ready, and 7 took. I think that is about average. If I remember correctly I thought they said about half or less take. We found that out on Friday. They called again on Saturday to say that they all still looked good and that we would continue with the transfer for Tuesday, August 3rd. That is a good thing too, a Day 5 transfer. I did not realize that until the other day. They had just been saying Day 3 or Day 5 transfer. If they have to do a Day 3 that means that the embryos are not developing on there own so they want to get them back in you, they have shown to do better growing inside your body than outside in the incubator. But we are good and everything looks great!
Oh yeah, progesterone shots...are you kidding me! When I updated last Casey had given me my first injection. It was fine, didn't really hurt, I was thinking "what was everyone talking about?", well now I know. You have to give it about an hour, your butt begins to burn, feel sore, and ache! Oh it is joyous! We have to alternate checks, so know both sides just hurt. I really hope I do not have to do these for 10 weeks, but if I do I will take them knowing that this is just the beginning of some of the sacrifices you have to make in being a parent!
We will not know anything else until we go in tomorrow morning. How exciting!!! I will most likely post again tomorrow, but then maybe not for a while, or not any updates, but it will just be a waiting game. I know I have said over and over how thankful I am for your love and support. You all have been so wonderful. Casey and I have talked about our journey and how nothing has been typical, but we are still not sure how to tell people when we are pregnant. We will find out two weeks after the transfer, meaning I will only be 4 weeks pregnant. I am sure you will know a lot sooner than they typical 8 to 12 weeks people typically wait, but we are not 100% sure when we will tell?  I guess I do not want to sound mean, but please do not call, text and email on the two week day, I PROMISE we will tell you! and we cannot wait to share this wonderful news with you all. I am not exactly sure how long it will take for the blood work to come back? maybe later that day or then next day depending on my appointment time. I actually have to go in for blood work,no peeing on the stick, well they do not recommend it, because I have been giving myself FSH injections and FSH is what the pregnancy sticks read, therefore you could have a false positive; then I am assuming we will have an ultrasound sometime soon. I know that I will be with the fertility doctors until 10 weeks and then I will be released back to my OBGYN.
I love your hearts, your friendship and your time in prayer for us. You are amazing! I am blessed to know you all. Hugs and Kisses!

Egg Retrieval=Success!!

Today was the egg retrieval and everything went great! We got there at 9am and went back to get things ready. When we walked in I saw a familiar face, Jenni. Jenni is a friend from church and I had forgotten that she worked there. She works only in the surgery part so I have never seen her in my previous visits, plus she only works on Thursday's. Well, everyone is familiar now, Casey was laughing at how everyone knew me! but I have been there almost everyday for the last week and a half.
It was nice to see a familiar face and know that Jenni would be with me. Everyone there was so nice. The last thing I remember was going back to the operating room and them saying, time 10:11am. Then I woke up in my room and I heard one of the nurses say "you can go get Casey now". So I was in recovery for about 30 mins I guess. I woke up groggy and with a little discomfort, but besides that I was surprised at how well I felt. She keep asking me about my pain level every 10 mins. I told her 2, she said I was a trooper then, most people seemed to be in more pain. I like it when my high tolerance kicks in! Before we left the embryologist came in and told us everything looked great and that they were able to retrieve 13 eggs. We will get more information on them tomorrow.
So we came home and  I slept for a while, just hanging out in bed all day. Casey has been taking good care of me. He just gave me my first injection "in the buttocks" and he did AWESOME! I was really worried about him giving me the shot, although the whole time he kept telling me it would be nothing. He will have to give me this injection "progesterone" for the next 10 days and then possibly longer. I am feeling better about it since tonight went so smoothly. Thank you for all the messages and text. We truly appreciate all of your love and support. We will keep you posted on how the developing goes!!

Egg Retrieval is here!!!

So first let me tell you that today was a little crazy. The first rule of IVF is DO NOT RUN OUT OF MEDICINE! the medication that I am taking cannot be bought at Walgreens, CVS, Rite Aid, etc...So I have been checking my medicine everyday like a mother hen with her eggs. So yesterday when I was at the doctor, my nurse told me that if I needed to go another day or two she did have some medicine to float me for tonight and Wednesday. I had told her that I had enough to last me until Tuesday night. So this morning I am getting ready and go pick up my box of Bravelle, it is EMPTY!!! I HAVE to have my morning FSH injection! I cannot mess things up right now when everything is so close! I had already used it and for some reason put an empty box back in the box of medication. I was freaking out, trying not too, because I knew that she had some at the office, but I am suppose to take my medicine at 7 and the office does not open until 8:30 and I am suppose to do a training today at 8:30-Ahhhhh.....
Long story a little shorter I was able to go set up for the training, run to the doctor and get my injection, start the training a little late, do the training until lunch, go back to the doctor at lunch for blood work and ultrasound, and back to finish the training for the rest of the afternoon. Whew! but I did it and everything turned out OK. We got the call this afternoon around 4pm that said everything looks great. I will "trigger" tonight, which means we will have the egg retrieval on Thursday at 10am!!!!
Are you serious!!! It is all happening!! The moment we have been waiting so long for-so many emotions!!
I am so excited and feeling great. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers that everything goes well and successful! I will keep you updated as everything happens.
Egg retrieval on July 29 at 10am
Bed rest for Friday and Saturday
Implant the embryos on Tuesday August 3rd.

Yippee!!

4th Ultrasound...

Well, everything is moving a long just as it should, but the egg retrieval will not be Wednesday. They are saying it looks more like Thursday or Friday now. They have said since the beginning that it is all a guess. Everyone is different and everyone responds to the medication in different ways. Today it looked like I had 14 follicles and about 6 that were almost ready. So I go back tomorrow for another ultrasound and blood work. Everything is so close! Please keep the prayers coming! Check back with you tomorrow. Maybe we will have a date for surgery!

3rd Ultra sound...

Everything is still good. I had a few more follicles this time. Looks like there were 13 that were good and some that were still growing. She said I am exactly where I need to be in the cycle. We always like hearing words like that! In the last post I told you about Dr. Freeman, but what I did not tell you is how she freaked me out! She was telling me the process of the egg retrieval and then she said "you and your doctor have discussed how many embryos will be transferred". I told her that we had not really discussed it, that she had just flat said that if you are under 35 we only transplant one embryo, sometimes two but we can discuss that when the time comes. So Casey and I have discussed it and Casey is sold on two for sure. I go back and forth with it, but after talking with Dr. Freeman she has really freaked me out. She said "we do not want you to have twins, our goal is for you to have one healthy baby, your body is not made to have twins, many twins dies at 15 and 20 weeks". Are you kidding me? I did not know what to say? I said well our goal is to have a healthy baby as well, but after 5 years of trying and all the money that we have spent we do not want to do this again. We do not want to be stupid or selfish, but we would like to weight out our options and hear the facts. I asked her about my height (having more room for them) and being in pretty good shape may help? She said no! that stuff does not matter. We ended the conversation with; you will discuss this with your doctor after your egg retrieval.
So I went back today and was talking with my IVF nurse, Jennifer. She was telling me that everything looked good and that I do not have to come back in until Monday. She said that she still thinks Monday will be my "trigger day". I guess that means when things will be ready? She said if Monday is my trigger day than the egg retrieval will be on Wednesday. I told Jennifer about my conversation with Dr. Freeman. She basically said that was her job to scare you and make you think. She said about 100% of people who come in for IVF say they want twins! Just for the same reasons we do. There has been some recent research showing that women who go through IVF are at a higher risk because even if you become pregnant with a singleton, your body things you are having twins from all the hormones and steroids you have in your body through this process, so if you have twins your body thinks it is triplets! putting you at a higher risk. She said with each baby you subtract 4 weeks! So twins 36 weeks and triplets 32 weeks! They just know those babies need to stay in the oven as long as they can. She also said that they had lost three sets of twins in the last few months, which was rare, but on every ones mind. I guess I had never told Jennifer that I was a twin. She asked me how long my mom carried us? I said we were 1 day early. She said that was good news! I guess there is some correlation in your moms delivery and in how you will be with your pregnancy/delivery? So I left feeling a little better, but it still ways heavy on our hearts. So please pray that we will know what to do with the number of embryos and that everything will be a success and whatever God's plan for us and our baby or babies will be to his glory!

2nd Ultra Sound...

So today was my second ultra sounds but my first one since starting the FSH injections. So when I go into the room for my ultrasound the technician gives me a chart and tells me to write down what she says. She says I will not tell you anything under 10??? She says ok, we are on the right side 11x4, 12x9,  and 4 < 10 now we are on the left 12x8, 11x6 and 6 <10. (I think they are suppose to be around 15-18mm). Alright, you are good to go! I am still confused on what those numbers mean, but she acted as though they were good. She tells me to get dressed and meet with Dr. Freeman. Dr. Freeman? never heard that name, but ok. It turns out that Dr. Freeman was a sweet little lady doctor that I needed to meet with to see if I had any questions about my egg retrieval as well as tell me the details of the retrieval and give me some heads up on what to expect the day of my surgery. WOW! Is all I can say. It is amazing that anyone gets pregnant naturally, but it is almost equally as crazy to think that science has come this far and can do all of this, she was blowing me away. I could not say anything, but just listen to her and look at her pictures (this is your egg, your egg being fertilized, your egg on day one, your egg splitting, hatching, day 3, etc...So I left feeling a little overwhelmed and excited that it is all almost here!
Tonight I called and listened to our voice mail box. This is where the IVF nurse leaves messages for us telling us what we should be doing (as far as meds go) and then she gives us the results of my blood work and ultrasound. We got the green light for everything. I am exactly where I should be at this point. I will continue with my FSH injections, dexamethasone (steroid), and starting tomorrow I will take Ganirelix (another injection in my stomach-I think it is just a stronger form of FSH) with my PM injection.
I feel good and all is going well right now. Everything is tentative and totally an estimate, but they guessed that my egg retrieval will be next Wednesday if everything stays good and continues the way it should. I go back Friday for another ultra sounds and blood work. I will keep you posted! and you keep the prayers coming!! I know that it is because of all the love and support I am staying so sane right now. Love you all!!

Prayer is Powerful!

I just got back from a prayer group with some friends at church. It was specifically for me! I felt so honored and touched that this sweet friend from our Sunday school class offered to do this for me/us. She sent me this email, that I thought was so funny and sweet.

"Hey Kristi!  Thank you so much for being so open with our class and sharing your long journey over the past 5 years.  I can't imagine what all you have been through or how hard it's been on you, but I want you to know that I think you are an unbelievable strong woman with an incredible attitude that really is infectious!  I think you are a beautiful woman inside and out (with killer hair, too I might add--oh to have such body....but I digress!) and I am so glad your faith has been able to help you through this.  Now, I feel like it's OUR turn to step up too.  You put out the call, and I would like to answer.  I would love to have a women's prayer group for YOU at our house (in Hendersonville) sometime.  It won't have to last long, but I would think it would be early evening (so we can do what girls to best--socialize and eat!!) so we could get done at a decent time.  I would really like us to get together and pray over you and let you talk (if you want to) about anything you need prayers for at that time.  My goal is to do this every month (at least) until you can announce joyfully that you are pregnant!!!! 

You and Casey have been in my prayers and I know others are doing the same.  I truly believe in the power of prayer, but I also believe in the power of the gathering of believers and even laying on of hands.  If there is ANYTHING I can do for you, just let me know."

So we had an awesome night of fellowship, devotional, and prayer! It was powerful to me and meant so much for these friends of mine to take time out of there crazy busy schedule to come pray for me! /us and our baby! Thank you so much! Like I have said over and over, I have amazing friends! and I am truly blessed with them all in my life. Thank you for being my friend and having the faith with me to help us as we are on our journey. I love you all!~

Dr. appointment tomorrow to check on how the follicles are doing since starting the hormone injections. I will update you with that news tomorrow!
Here is a picture of me and the wonderful ladies in my prayer group.

First Day of Injections

Here are the drugs! A little overwhelming at first!






Here is just a closer look of some things

More drugs!

This is the FSH injection. I started this today. An AM and PM injection. I also take a oral pill (dexamethasone) with my PM injection.






So today was the first day and all went well. I was able to give both injections to myself. I was a little worried about if I could do it, but it was nothing. Just a little prick and sting when I was pushing the hormone into me, but not bad at all. I have to alternate sides for my injections. So I decided Right side for the AM for Rise and Shine (get it, R) and left side for PM for Late Night! HaHaHa! Yes, that is the elementary teacher in me! We must find a way to remember things. One day down and about 10 to go!!! Come on follicles and grow!

1st appointment for IVF cycle...

Well, today was my suppression check. The suppression check is blood work, an ultrasound (to check my follicles and make sure there are no cyst on my ovaries-I have PCOS which causes me to have cyst-so the birth control was suppose to help that! and it did). I also had a trial embryo transfer. That is where they act as if they are transferring my embryo. They are looking at my lining, the shape of my uterus, what size instruments they will need, etc...Very interesting! Especially when you are spread eagle on the table and they are discussing your insides to you! With out to much detail, I checked out and my uterus looks great! as well as my lining (apparently this is very important as well, so that was good news!)
When I left I got my voice mail box, this is where I will call and check on everything. How my blood counts looked, ultrasound results, egg development, embryo development, etc...This is how we stay up-to-date with everything that is going on with my body through this process.
We also go a new updated calendar. We start with injections (Bravelle) and dexamethasone on Saturday (7/17). I will take an injection in the morning and at night (12 hours apart) as well as take 1 mg of dexamethasone at night. My next appointment is next Wednesday (7/21). It is for an Estradiol (bloodwork) and ultrasound. I will have another appointment on Friday (7/23) for the same thing. I may have a few of the Estradiol and Ultrasound appointments over the next 10-12 days. They want to monitor me very closely so they will know exactly when the moment will be to retrieve my eggs.
Right now I am feeling great and very excited for this moment to be here. We have waited a long time for this magical moment and we are both so ready!!! We have such a great support team of friends and family that are behind us all the way. There are so many wonderful people that are praying for us everywhere (thanks to you all for spreading the word). Prayer is SO powerful and I truly believe in it! I know this is not the only case, but I was reading a friends blog and was so touched I just began to cry. She did not mention me by name, but told her blog readers about me and our struggles with infertility. She asked all of her bloggers to pray for Casey and I.  What she said was so sweet and touching, but then as I read the comments that her friends had posted I was completely in tears! It truly meant so much to me. I can feel the love and prayers all around me. Please keep them coming as our journey is REALLY here and these next two weeks are going to be an emotional roller coaster. I am excited and SO READY for this miracle to happen. I will continue to keep you posted.

It will be starting soon!

Well, we are still about two weeks away from getting this party started, but it feels like it will be here really soon. I am leaving tomorrow for Alabama to spend the 4th with some great friends and do a little relaxing on the boat, Monday morning I leave for Chicago (for work), the following week I have some professional development that I am presenting, and then the 15th will be here.

July 15th is my doctors appointment. It is called my suppression check (words you understand- blood test and an ultrasound). This is done a few days prior to the start of stimulation to ensure that all is ready. If everything checks out I will start my injections on July 17th. With the injections (follicle stimulation hormone) the follicles start to grow and once they reach about 12 to 14mm, they will grow fairly predictably at a rate of 2mm per day they say. During this phase (10-12 days) of growth I will be monitored closely, sometimes as often as daily and or every other day; just depending on how things look. Then when everything looks right and my eggs are “ready” I will have my egg retrieval. The Egg Retrieval is a minor surgical procedure that takes around 45 minutes depending on the number of follicles, I will have anesthesia. I will be on bed rest for two days and they will keep me updated on my eggs and then embryos!! Our embryos will only grow in an incubators for 3 to 5 days. At this time, they must be transferred back into me! I keep saying embryos, but it is just one. I may have more embryos, but they will transplant one and the others will be frozen. If you are under 35 years old they just transfer one, sometimes two, but never more than that. The transfer may be done either on the third day after retrieval or on the fifth day. The transfer itself is relatively easy they say and it only takes a few minutes. Then I will have office visits for follow up blood work several times over the next 12 days. During this time I will take Progesterone shots, which I am not looking forward too! but whatever I have to do I will. If you have ever seen Progesterone it is thick and oily, which means a thick, large needle. Oww!!

Well, that is the brief story of IVF. I am very excited about this journey and looking forward to what God has in store for Casey and I. I appreciate and love you all. Thank you so much for caring so much and going on this journey with us. I will update again once I start injections to keep you up-to-date with my progress. I truly feel all of your love and support!!! Love you all!

Well, apparently I was a little off with my dates. Yes, we are starting the IVF process, but I have to take birth control for a month first. Yes, I know that sounds a little off since we are trying to have baby, but they say that using birth control pills before a treatment cycle has been shown to decrease your risk of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (ovaries become dangerously enlarged with fluid. This fluid can leak in to the belly and chest area, leading to complications, Very dangerous!) and ovarian cysts and may even improve the odds of success. So I will be on birth control pills for a month (no sugar pills). So I take about a pack and a half and then I will start the FSH injections, egg retrieval (not till the end of July), and progesterone shots. I will update you then, but there will not be much to say for a month. All I can say is prayer is powerful and much appreciated from anyone and everyone. We are so blessed with our wonderful family and friends. We love you all!

OUR JOURNEY

I started this blog about a year and a half ago. It started as something for me to just type out some things I was going through with infertility. I have decided now to tell others about it and use it as a way to tell others of our journey. Some of this post may be repetitive from past post, but I was just going to bring everyone up to speed.
We have had a lot of bumps in the road for us. When Casey and I got married 7 years ago today! We had said that we would wait 3 years to have a baby, but then after only being married for a year and half Casey got the itch. He began talking about us trying to get pregnant. I had to think about it. I told him I would mention it to my OBGYN when I went for my appointment in April 2005. After talking to the doctor I decided I would go off the pill and we would just see what happens. This process is much different for a female. When this decision is made you really want to be pregnant yesterday! Nobody really wants to “try” to get pregnant. Well, maybe the first few months it is a little fun, but not after that; it becomes a job. We tried for about 4 months and then Mama C got sick. So therefore, we were not using protection, but there was not a lot of trying taking place. When I went back to the doctor in April 2006 I told the doctor that I was not really worried, but we had been off all forms of birth control for a year. That is when we found out that I was not ovulating. The doctor put me on chlomid to try and jump start me, hoping to make me ovulate. I did that for a few months and I had to go back to the doctor every 21 days to check my levels and see if I was ovulating. After doing this for about a year and a half the doctor realized I was an irregular ovulator. Then the doctor asked me if Casey had been checked. I said no, so he said that would be our next step. That took a little convincing. Finally Casey realized that he was being selfish and had the semen analysis done. Everything came back normal. So know we had ruled that out. I just had to be on fertility drugs every month since I was irregular. Oh joy! Being on fertility drugs cause you to gain weight, which I did, just as I was told. That was and is still very hard on me. No matter what I did I could not lose weight. I consistently gained about 8-12 pounds every year. So not only has it been stressful emotionally for me, but also physically.
The doctor called me in November 2008 and said that he has been reviewing my chart and he thought I may have endometriosis. Apparently, I have a high tolerance of pain and I had never really complained about the pain. I just assumed that is what every woman went through with her period. After my appointment he decided that I needed to have laparoscopic surgery. I had the surgery in December 2008. The surgery showed that I did have endometriosis and he cleaned me out and told me that my best chances of getting pregnant would be within the year. If I was not pregnant in a year than the endometriosis most likely was not the cause of our problem.
We had high hopes that this was going to be our year. Then November 2009 rolled around and still no luck for us. We got the call that we were being referred to the fertility doctor. This was so depressing to me. I really felt like we had lost. We were not able to get pregnant on our own, the natural way; the way that everyone else in the world seems to be able to get pregnant. Not to mention the prices we have heard that come with fertility doctors. We went for our consult and blood work and it cost $420 dollars. I also got the diagnosis of Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. PCOS is where your body produces too much insulin and testosterone, causing belly fat and cyst to grow on my ovaries. Not what I need!
With all of this news we scheduled an Intra-Uterine Insemination, IUI, which came with a nice price tag, and we tried that 3 times, unsuccessfully. After our third IUI attempt we got a call saying we needed to have another consult. We discussed everything that we have been through and then the doctor suggested an SPA, a semen penetration analysis, which makes sense, but seriously? She also told us that we needed to discuss IVF. So we scheduled our SPA, which was $650. This is where we got some news. We had Casey’s semen checked 4 times now and everything had come back normal, but when they did the SPA, to check the penetration, for the procedure the semen sits in an incubator for 24 hrs and then it is put with hamster eggs. This is how they tell whether the sperm knows how to penetrate the egg. Well, Casey’s sperm had all pretty much died within 24 hours. So we do not know if it knows how to penetrate an egg, they were unable to complete the test since so many had died. The doctor said that she thinks our problem is that the sperm is not living long enough to make it to my uterus. Not to mention my endometriosis and PCOS. So our answer: Anything can happen, but as far as the medical world is concerned our chances of becoming pregnant on our own is slim. It looks like In Vitro Fertilisation, IVF is our only chance of having our own biological child.
That is where we are now. Last Wednesday we had our IVF class. It was about 3 ½ hours long. We learned all about IVF and what we should expect. Casey and I learned how to give me my injections and learned about all the medication. We learned that we would start the procedure as soon as I started my next period, which should be this week for me. So wow! We are doing this and it is happening soon! Please keep us in your prayers.

IVF

We are about to start IVF...
We know that God has a plan for us and we hope that this process of In Vitro Fertilisation will be his plan and we will be successful.
I John 5:14
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.”
Matthew 21:22
“If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”
James 5:16
…"The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective”
I John 5:15
“And if we know that he hears us-whatever we ask-know that we have what we asked of him”
Please keep us in your prayers as we start this journey. I will keep you updated through the blog.

Consult

Yesterday was our consult at the fertility clinic. It was a little frustrating. I got a call at 3:30pm on Tuesday and I assumed it was a reminder for our appt. on Wednesday. No, it was to say that the doctors office scheduled us with the wrong doctor; is their anyway you can come in earlier? your doctor is not working tomorrow afternoon. The down side to that was that Casey was just out of town for a friends wedding and could not take off, plus we have had this appt for 6 weeks. Long story...Casey was not able to come, but it was not that big of a deal. Basically Casey had an SPA two weeks ago, she had called and given us a little bit of info, but she wanted to go over it in more detail. They also wanted to discuss IVF some more. So it was just me and she discussed that the SPA they did on Casey, well the SPA they attempted on Casey, they were unable to complete it. Apparently, he has good sperm count and descent mobility, but for some reason they do not live very long. So they are saying that the sperm do not live long enough to make it to my uterus, not to mention my issues with endometreosis and PCOS. Bottom line is God is amazing and he can perform a miracle any day, but as far as the medical/science world goes, Casey and my only chance of having a biological child will be through IVF. We got the price, which is $13,250 plus $216 for IVF class and additional blood work (not sure that price?). Whew! that is SO crazy to me. If it works, AMAZING! if it does not...trying not to think like that, but really hard not too! The IVF process takes about 5 to 6 weeks. We go for our IVF class June 9th and learn about everything. From there we will see when we will actually begin. I will keep you updated with the process. I know I will need to type it all out. I ask for any prayers and support as we begin this journey together. HOPING FOR THE BEST!!!

Defeated

I am just having one of those weeks I guess. I am feeling so defeated with everything (or that is how it feels). The weight gain is REALLY getting to me. I gained another 4 pounds with this last round of fertility. It really feels as though I will never have control of my body or weight again. This is very depressing to me. It seems as though lately I just do not even care (well, I do, but I act like it doesn't). I have the mentality that it doesn't matter what I do I am going to gain anyways; so sure go ahead and eat the ice cream! you have no control. I know this may all seem crazy, but it really scares me. I cannot believe how big I am. I think it may be worse because I was always so skinny. I can work out and watch what I eat and NOTHING! I have never lost weight in 5 years, well I will lose 2 or 3, then gain 6 back with a round of fertility. Ahhhh....
Then I was reading about PCOS, probably a bad idea, and it was not very hopefully about someone with PCOS losing weight. Losing weight is hard, but a person with PCOS is 5x harder. They also went on to say that a lot of doctors do not truly understand PCOS and the issue with the weight gain/loss. I feel that too! I guess I could change doctors, again! but for my last two physicals the doctor has discussed my weight and given me a goal of 10 pounds to lose, then I come back 10 pounds heavier! That is my average, 10 pounds a year. Then to top it all off we have been unsuccessful with our attempts at becoming pregnant. I feel as though I have become fat and unattractive. That is an everyday reminder in my mirror that I am still not a mother. Casey has his SPA next week; from their we will have a consult to discuss our options. Please pray for me to have an open mind and better attitude. It is really pulling me down. It has been 5 years now; April 23rd, 2005 I went off birth control. I never dreamed the roller coaster we would have been on since then.

Decisions

Well, we experienced our 3rd failed attempt at an IUI. I always try to stay positive and think every month that I truly am pregnant. This last time we both REALLY thought it was going to happen. So many things just made it seem like the month! I had the best follicles and numbers that I have ever had, Casey had the best count and mobility number that he had ever had, we would have been due December 24th (which I have always said I am NEVER having a baby around Christmas; mine is 10 days after and I hate it; but right now I do not care if I am in labor Christmas day! bring it on, thirds times a charm, etc...just lots of little things happened and it felt like everything was aligning correctly.

This is all so crazy and something you feel like you are experiencing all by yourself. We do not personally know anyone going through it. I am not sure if it would help if we did though?

Decisions: Adoption, IVF, take a break, Ahhhh....what to do, what to do??

I am not sure why, but adoption is just something I really cannot see myself doing right now. My mind may change. Right now I just think of keep trying treatments or just give up? Not sure how to just give up? Financially I am SO ready to give up. All I can think about is the money, which is extremely stressful. It is crazy to think that we could pay $12,000 and still not become pregnant and have to pay on a loan for a year knowing you still do not have a baby. They want to do a SPA (Semen Penetration Analysis) on Casey to see if his guys know how to penetrate an egg. That sounds so crazy to me! Yes, it makes sense, but still crazy! If that is the case then IVF is our only way of becoming pregnant. The average % rate of becoming pregnant through IVF is 42%, which does not seem high enough with everything you have to go through...financially, emotionally, physically, etc...It is so draining. So many decisions to be made.

Been a while...

Well, I guess there has not been much to write about. We did have another failed attempt at IUI, that makes two for us. We have been given more paper work and issues/options to discuss. There are SO many things. If we are not successful with IUI's our only option is IVF. Which is so expensive, about $9,000-$10,000, but the other options are test leading up to the IVF. Like the other day they asked me if Casey had an SPA. I said no, what is an SPA and how much is it? since insurance does not cover anything. It is a Semen Penetration Analysis ($650).What it is; is a test to see if his sperm know how to penetrate an egg. They try it on hamster eggs! WHat?? I mean that makes sense, but holy moly! This is all so crazy to me. Answer me this...How does anyone get pregnant? It truly is a miracle from God. I hope if you are lucky enough to become parents, you truly realize the miracle that you have been given. The test and things that Casey and I have been through have been crazy. It is REALLY hard to get pregnant. It is total timing. You would never know how difficult it really is; especially seeing these young girls getting pregnant. That is another soap box! :)

We are going to attempt the third time this coming week. We are hoping that the third time is a charm! :) I will keep things posted. This blog is still so new to me, but very therapeutic. Hopefully you will hear from me soon! :)

No luck :(

Well, it was a tough weekend. Our first attempt at an IUI was not successful. I really did not want to tell anyone, but then I knew I could not keep it from some of my closest and best friends. Sometimes I think they know my cycle better than I do! :) They are great! Well anyways, we did have an IUI last month (very interesting I must add) and I started this Friday :( It was a bummer and kind of a long reality for me. It was really weird. I kept thinking what are the chances of the first time it working? but then I also thought how great it would that be! October what a great month and time of the year to have a baby, actually ANY TIME and ANY MONTH will be a great time and month to have a baby. We will say our prayers and hope for the best this month. Wish us luck!

Saying some prayers and crossing our fingers

Well yesterday we did it! Well, not actually...hahahaha, but we did go to the fertility clinic and I had an IUI, Intrauterine insemination. Everything went well so now we have to wait two weeks and see if it took! I have to say this whole experience has been crazy. As I was laying on the table at the doctors office, Casey asked me "was it as good for you as it was for me?" We have to keep humor in all of this. It has been an emotional past week though. My good friend Julie had her twins last Friday (1/22). I was there with her for it all, so amazing! I was exhausted after three days at the hospital. Everyone is great and healthy, God bless. I had a doctors appointment scheduled for Thursday (1/28), which was day 12 for me. I woke up on Wednesday with a positive surge and egg in my ovulation kit. I was freaking out and so upset. I thought we had missed our chances of doing the IUI again. I called the doctor, but left a message. I went straight to the doctors office hoping they could squeeze me in. As soon as I pulled into the parking garage they called me and told me to come on in. Then I received a text from a good friend saying she was pregnant, what timing!! Congrats for them.

Anyways, I was able to do the ultrasound and everything looked great and my count was high. They gave me my FSH (I think that is what it was called) shot in the stomach and said come back tomorrow for implantation!! SO that is what we did. All looked well they said- so all we do know is wait. I really hope my next blog can be exciting news!!

Why do I do this to myself...

I guess it is because I never want to give up hope. Every month I think I am pregnant. I want to get pregnant like the rest of the world, which it seems like it is EVERYWHERE around me. So last time I went to the doctor I was a little frustrated b/c I did not get the news that I wanted and found out that I had already ovulated. So last week when I started not feeling well, was VERY tired this week (in bed by like 8pm at the latest), had some acid reflux I started getting excited. WHY?? that is what I ask myself. I seriously become hyper pregnant every month. Today is Day 31 and I have never gone past 31. I have not felt like I was going to start all day. So I went to the drug store and got a pregnancy test. I was taking it in the morning! Then I was not home for 15 mins before I started feeling like I was about to start. I go to the bathroom...BAM! Seriously? I HATE THIS!! I truly do. I am fine, I am going to be fine I tell myself. I try not to get upset. I tell myself that I knew it was not going to happen, don't get upset. Yes, I have to tell myself this-you truly have no idea how this feels. I would never wish this upon anyone. So I get on the computer and check facebook...bad idea. I was looking and you know how it changes your friends on the side? well I see an ultrasound picture with a Santa Hat as a profile picture, click, yep! a guy I went to school with just found out they are expecting. Then this girl that I went to high school with to post...It's a BOY! I had no idea she was pregnant. Ok, I have to get off here because this is all to weird. It really feels all around me now. It just seemed like everywhere I was looking there were people saying they are pregnant or posting pictures of there little cuties. Sorry, to vent...just a rough day. :(

Reality

Oh my goodness....fertility doctors are so freaking expensive. Another two bills that I was not expecting. Apparently something they did with our blood work?? I need to call and see what it was exactly. I do not understand the coding, but I understand $304 and your immediate action would be greatly appreciated! That is a reality all in itself. I need to find a sugar daddy or something. We have not even done anything and already spent close to $1000. It just blows my mind. It truly should not be this way. Not only it is emotional and stressful for anyone having to go through this, now it drains you financially, which stresses me out even more. I need a miracle! Lord please be with me, give me patience and understanding in this difficult journey of my life. Give me a peace that lets me know that everything is going to be ok. Amen!