Consult

Yesterday was our consult at the fertility clinic. It was a little frustrating. I got a call at 3:30pm on Tuesday and I assumed it was a reminder for our appt. on Wednesday. No, it was to say that the doctors office scheduled us with the wrong doctor; is their anyway you can come in earlier? your doctor is not working tomorrow afternoon. The down side to that was that Casey was just out of town for a friends wedding and could not take off, plus we have had this appt for 6 weeks. Long story...Casey was not able to come, but it was not that big of a deal. Basically Casey had an SPA two weeks ago, she had called and given us a little bit of info, but she wanted to go over it in more detail. They also wanted to discuss IVF some more. So it was just me and she discussed that the SPA they did on Casey, well the SPA they attempted on Casey, they were unable to complete it. Apparently, he has good sperm count and descent mobility, but for some reason they do not live very long. So they are saying that the sperm do not live long enough to make it to my uterus, not to mention my issues with endometreosis and PCOS. Bottom line is God is amazing and he can perform a miracle any day, but as far as the medical/science world goes, Casey and my only chance of having a biological child will be through IVF. We got the price, which is $13,250 plus $216 for IVF class and additional blood work (not sure that price?). Whew! that is SO crazy to me. If it works, AMAZING! if it does not...trying not to think like that, but really hard not too! The IVF process takes about 5 to 6 weeks. We go for our IVF class June 9th and learn about everything. From there we will see when we will actually begin. I will keep you updated with the process. I know I will need to type it all out. I ask for any prayers and support as we begin this journey together. HOPING FOR THE BEST!!!

Defeated

I am just having one of those weeks I guess. I am feeling so defeated with everything (or that is how it feels). The weight gain is REALLY getting to me. I gained another 4 pounds with this last round of fertility. It really feels as though I will never have control of my body or weight again. This is very depressing to me. It seems as though lately I just do not even care (well, I do, but I act like it doesn't). I have the mentality that it doesn't matter what I do I am going to gain anyways; so sure go ahead and eat the ice cream! you have no control. I know this may all seem crazy, but it really scares me. I cannot believe how big I am. I think it may be worse because I was always so skinny. I can work out and watch what I eat and NOTHING! I have never lost weight in 5 years, well I will lose 2 or 3, then gain 6 back with a round of fertility. Ahhhh....
Then I was reading about PCOS, probably a bad idea, and it was not very hopefully about someone with PCOS losing weight. Losing weight is hard, but a person with PCOS is 5x harder. They also went on to say that a lot of doctors do not truly understand PCOS and the issue with the weight gain/loss. I feel that too! I guess I could change doctors, again! but for my last two physicals the doctor has discussed my weight and given me a goal of 10 pounds to lose, then I come back 10 pounds heavier! That is my average, 10 pounds a year. Then to top it all off we have been unsuccessful with our attempts at becoming pregnant. I feel as though I have become fat and unattractive. That is an everyday reminder in my mirror that I am still not a mother. Casey has his SPA next week; from their we will have a consult to discuss our options. Please pray for me to have an open mind and better attitude. It is really pulling me down. It has been 5 years now; April 23rd, 2005 I went off birth control. I never dreamed the roller coaster we would have been on since then.