No luck :(

Well, it was a tough weekend. Our first attempt at an IUI was not successful. I really did not want to tell anyone, but then I knew I could not keep it from some of my closest and best friends. Sometimes I think they know my cycle better than I do! :) They are great! Well anyways, we did have an IUI last month (very interesting I must add) and I started this Friday :( It was a bummer and kind of a long reality for me. It was really weird. I kept thinking what are the chances of the first time it working? but then I also thought how great it would that be! October what a great month and time of the year to have a baby, actually ANY TIME and ANY MONTH will be a great time and month to have a baby. We will say our prayers and hope for the best this month. Wish us luck!

Saying some prayers and crossing our fingers

Well yesterday we did it! Well, not actually...hahahaha, but we did go to the fertility clinic and I had an IUI, Intrauterine insemination. Everything went well so now we have to wait two weeks and see if it took! I have to say this whole experience has been crazy. As I was laying on the table at the doctors office, Casey asked me "was it as good for you as it was for me?" We have to keep humor in all of this. It has been an emotional past week though. My good friend Julie had her twins last Friday (1/22). I was there with her for it all, so amazing! I was exhausted after three days at the hospital. Everyone is great and healthy, God bless. I had a doctors appointment scheduled for Thursday (1/28), which was day 12 for me. I woke up on Wednesday with a positive surge and egg in my ovulation kit. I was freaking out and so upset. I thought we had missed our chances of doing the IUI again. I called the doctor, but left a message. I went straight to the doctors office hoping they could squeeze me in. As soon as I pulled into the parking garage they called me and told me to come on in. Then I received a text from a good friend saying she was pregnant, what timing!! Congrats for them.

Anyways, I was able to do the ultrasound and everything looked great and my count was high. They gave me my FSH (I think that is what it was called) shot in the stomach and said come back tomorrow for implantation!! SO that is what we did. All looked well they said- so all we do know is wait. I really hope my next blog can be exciting news!!

Why do I do this to myself...

I guess it is because I never want to give up hope. Every month I think I am pregnant. I want to get pregnant like the rest of the world, which it seems like it is EVERYWHERE around me. So last time I went to the doctor I was a little frustrated b/c I did not get the news that I wanted and found out that I had already ovulated. So last week when I started not feeling well, was VERY tired this week (in bed by like 8pm at the latest), had some acid reflux I started getting excited. WHY?? that is what I ask myself. I seriously become hyper pregnant every month. Today is Day 31 and I have never gone past 31. I have not felt like I was going to start all day. So I went to the drug store and got a pregnancy test. I was taking it in the morning! Then I was not home for 15 mins before I started feeling like I was about to start. I go to the bathroom...BAM! Seriously? I HATE THIS!! I truly do. I am fine, I am going to be fine I tell myself. I try not to get upset. I tell myself that I knew it was not going to happen, don't get upset. Yes, I have to tell myself this-you truly have no idea how this feels. I would never wish this upon anyone. So I get on the computer and check facebook...bad idea. I was looking and you know how it changes your friends on the side? well I see an ultrasound picture with a Santa Hat as a profile picture, click, yep! a guy I went to school with just found out they are expecting. Then this girl that I went to high school with to post...It's a BOY! I had no idea she was pregnant. Ok, I have to get off here because this is all to weird. It really feels all around me now. It just seemed like everywhere I was looking there were people saying they are pregnant or posting pictures of there little cuties. Sorry, to vent...just a rough day. :(

Reality

Oh my goodness....fertility doctors are so freaking expensive. Another two bills that I was not expecting. Apparently something they did with our blood work?? I need to call and see what it was exactly. I do not understand the coding, but I understand $304 and your immediate action would be greatly appreciated! That is a reality all in itself. I need to find a sugar daddy or something. We have not even done anything and already spent close to $1000. It just blows my mind. It truly should not be this way. Not only it is emotional and stressful for anyone having to go through this, now it drains you financially, which stresses me out even more. I need a miracle! Lord please be with me, give me patience and understanding in this difficult journey of my life. Give me a peace that lets me know that everything is going to be ok. Amen!

A New Year!!

I am ready for the New Year! I am being positive and hoping for the best in 2010. Casey and I and just got back from NYC! Yes, it was a surprise trip for Christmas and my birthday...the BIG 3-0! So today I had to go back to the fertility doctor. I was a little disappointed although I didn't really get bad news, it just wasn't what I was expecting. The first time we went we just got so much news. It was hard to take it all in. When I left I knew that I was to come back on Day 15, so that is what I did. When I was having my ultrasound the technician said why did you come in so late? then she checked my chart and saw that was when I was told to come in. Basically, they could not do what they needed to do because it looks as though I have already ovulated, which is great! I am ovulating, but they needed to see my right before I ovulated. So I paid $210 and to see nothing and to hear take a pregnancy test in two weeks. Call us with the results no matter what, positive or negative. After talking to the doctor my numbers and everything looked really good. She said the new medication looked like it was doing it's job and that may be why I ovulated a little sooner than I typically do. So that was good news, like I said though not what I was expecting. We are hoping and praying for great things!

Being Positive!

Well, we did it. We went to the fertility doctor. It was ok, well better than I thought I guess. Casey seemed to be at ease about the whole thing. I was really worried about him. When we left I was SO overwhelmed with everything that they were telling us. I cannot seem to remember much of anything. I do know that they think I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) which I think was somewhat good information. What I mean by good is that maybe we have an answer. The PCOS is keeping me from getting pregnant as well as making me gain weight. PCOS is a release of insulin and testosterone, which is the weight gain and it also means that I have cyst on my ovaries, keeping me from getting pregnant. So the doctor has put me on a diabetic medication called glucophage. Hopefully this will break up the cyst and help with the insulin release. We go back to the doctor on December 30th to see if the medicine is working as well as the next steps. They want to talk more about the IUI. They think Casey and I would be good candidates for this type of procedure. So we are trying to be positive about everything. Hoping that 2010 will be a great year!
On another note...Casey and I will be leaving for New York City on Christmas morning. He has planned the whole trip for Christmas and my 30th birthday. He rocks!!

Time flies...

I cannot believe that it is almost Thanksgiving, where has the school year gone? It has been a really good year though. I am really enjoying my job. Not only has the year flown, but I am also almost to my year. My year after surgery, my year where there doctors said my best chances to get pregnant were, my year where if it doesn't happen then endometriosis is most likely not the cause for not getting pregnant! It makes me so sad. It makes me even more sad to think of what is next...fertility doctors. They are SO expensive and the percents are not very good especially with the money you are putting out. I have to trust and believe that it is meant to be, I WILL be a mom one day, Casey WILL be a dad and together we WILL be a family! What a great day!!!