Saying some prayers and crossing our fingers

Well yesterday we did it! Well, not actually...hahahaha, but we did go to the fertility clinic and I had an IUI, Intrauterine insemination. Everything went well so now we have to wait two weeks and see if it took! I have to say this whole experience has been crazy. As I was laying on the table at the doctors office, Casey asked me "was it as good for you as it was for me?" We have to keep humor in all of this. It has been an emotional past week though. My good friend Julie had her twins last Friday (1/22). I was there with her for it all, so amazing! I was exhausted after three days at the hospital. Everyone is great and healthy, God bless. I had a doctors appointment scheduled for Thursday (1/28), which was day 12 for me. I woke up on Wednesday with a positive surge and egg in my ovulation kit. I was freaking out and so upset. I thought we had missed our chances of doing the IUI again. I called the doctor, but left a message. I went straight to the doctors office hoping they could squeeze me in. As soon as I pulled into the parking garage they called me and told me to come on in. Then I received a text from a good friend saying she was pregnant, what timing!! Congrats for them.

Anyways, I was able to do the ultrasound and everything looked great and my count was high. They gave me my FSH (I think that is what it was called) shot in the stomach and said come back tomorrow for implantation!! SO that is what we did. All looked well they said- so all we do know is wait. I really hope my next blog can be exciting news!!

Why do I do this to myself...

I guess it is because I never want to give up hope. Every month I think I am pregnant. I want to get pregnant like the rest of the world, which it seems like it is EVERYWHERE around me. So last time I went to the doctor I was a little frustrated b/c I did not get the news that I wanted and found out that I had already ovulated. So last week when I started not feeling well, was VERY tired this week (in bed by like 8pm at the latest), had some acid reflux I started getting excited. WHY?? that is what I ask myself. I seriously become hyper pregnant every month. Today is Day 31 and I have never gone past 31. I have not felt like I was going to start all day. So I went to the drug store and got a pregnancy test. I was taking it in the morning! Then I was not home for 15 mins before I started feeling like I was about to start. I go to the bathroom...BAM! Seriously? I HATE THIS!! I truly do. I am fine, I am going to be fine I tell myself. I try not to get upset. I tell myself that I knew it was not going to happen, don't get upset. Yes, I have to tell myself this-you truly have no idea how this feels. I would never wish this upon anyone. So I get on the computer and check facebook...bad idea. I was looking and you know how it changes your friends on the side? well I see an ultrasound picture with a Santa Hat as a profile picture, click, yep! a guy I went to school with just found out they are expecting. Then this girl that I went to high school with to post...It's a BOY! I had no idea she was pregnant. Ok, I have to get off here because this is all to weird. It really feels all around me now. It just seemed like everywhere I was looking there were people saying they are pregnant or posting pictures of there little cuties. Sorry, to vent...just a rough day. :(

Reality

Oh my goodness....fertility doctors are so freaking expensive. Another two bills that I was not expecting. Apparently something they did with our blood work?? I need to call and see what it was exactly. I do not understand the coding, but I understand $304 and your immediate action would be greatly appreciated! That is a reality all in itself. I need to find a sugar daddy or something. We have not even done anything and already spent close to $1000. It just blows my mind. It truly should not be this way. Not only it is emotional and stressful for anyone having to go through this, now it drains you financially, which stresses me out even more. I need a miracle! Lord please be with me, give me patience and understanding in this difficult journey of my life. Give me a peace that lets me know that everything is going to be ok. Amen!